‘Only the best white powder for me’ : say Ascot residents everywhere

Ascotians are known for their love of all things powdery white. But not just any old white powder and certainly not that cheap nasty Australian shit. 

That’s right. The southern states ski season has officially opened with fanfare, much to the puzzlement of Ascot residents whose love of shit bagging the Australian ski fields knows no bounds.

‘The snow in Australia is total shit’, says born and bred Queenslander and Ascot resident Charlotte Donovan-Brown, who lists zero as the number of times she’s actually been to the Australian ski fields.  ‘And I definitely know that, almost for sure. I practically grew up on skis in Palm Ave.’

And, it seems she’s not the only one. ‘Last time I was in Snow Mass I saw this bloke skiing moguls like a fucking Olympian.  I thought…he must be from Ascot.’

She also has this tip for those wanting to get into the sport. ‘Seriously, if you’re going to spend money flying to Canberra, you might as well fly to Colorado.  It’s only 15 thousand difference.  Besides, we picked up all of our gear in the Aldi ski sale. We know how to budget you know.’ 

Facing another year of the total absence of Ascot residents, the southern states will have to once again do without their superior snow knowledge and blinding ski skills. Canadians, Americans and Japanese however rest assured.  Ascotians will soon be heading your way, to give unsolicited and broadcast judgement about your snowy home town on their 7 day long, once-a-year ski trip. And they won’t hold back.

Says Ms Donovan-Brown ‘I only break out my credit card for the best white powder you know.’