Cause for celebration: NO new cases of Victorians in Noosa this holiday period

Noosa is enjoying its first few weeks of the school holidays with thankfully, no new cases of Victorians.

For the first time in living memory, more Ascot residents than Victorians are present in the holiday Mecca, much to the smug satisfaction of basically, the rest of Australia.

Tired of not being able to swing a Fendi without hitting a Victorian, Ascot refugees are visibly relieved with the sudden availability of reservations at Bistro C, and the fact they’re not sitting next to 1000 Bec Judd wannabes on the beach with kids named Rafferty and Clementine.

‘We need Victorians in Noosa, like we need a Sherrin footy on main beach to the side of the head,’ one Ascot resident was overheard saying. ‘They can take their special brand of bogan and stay the hell in Brighton.’

And, visible eyerolling is a thing of the past for the baristas of Noosa, who no longer have 300 000 piccolo coffees to make in the next two weeks, and can go back to churning out skinny almond chai lattes for all the normal people.

Meanwhile, the Negroni can also be moved to the storage room, mainly because it tastes like shit.

‘We’re still drinking Aperol spritz up here,’ said one Ascot resident. That’s why we’re happier than you.’

More to come.