Controversy has broken out at the sports canteen of a local private school after it was revealed that there is a wrong way to make a ham and cheese toastie.
“Any fucking idiot knows that you put the ham down first, then the cheese,” said a spokesperson from the school canteen.
One tuckshop newbie found this out the hard way, when she turned up at 5 am to voluntarily help make breakfast for one school’s particularly early morning training session.
“I began by laying the cheese down on the bread when one of the more experienced canteen Mums leant in. “Well done you!” she said. “But actually, we put the ham on first, THEN the cheese.“
It’s understood the canteen newbie is a three hat chef, with four kids of her own, and has made approximately 30 000 ham and cheese toasties in the past decade. “Besides, she said, “when the sandwich is flipped, it’s the same friggin’ thing. Seriously,…..WTAF?”
The Observer has since conducted extensive randomised blind taste trials of H-C versus C-H toasties. The conclusive results indicate that a H-C toastie once inverted, is indeed, exactly the same friggin’ thing as a C-H toastie. And that’s for real.
“Besides, we’ve always done it this way. We don’t encourage logic, or free-thinking here. But, if you’re prepared to do exactly as I say and not be richer or thinner than me, we’d love some more volunteers.”
“Oh and one more thing. No square cut sandwiches. Even children raised by wolves knows that triangles taste better.”
More to come.