Sometimes Catholic couple Jane and Angus McDougall are preparing to ‘put in the hard yards’ in order to gain their son entry to premier Brisbane boys Catholic school, St Joseph’s Gregory Terrace.
Terrace is notoriously difficult to get into, even for regular God-fearing folk. Thus the McDougalls have committed to an unofficial 2 year, Catholic immersion program leading into their son’s enrolment interview. This immersion involves attending a 2-hour Mass every Sunday, getting Father Anthony over for dinner a couple of times in the next 12 months and memorizing the 10 Commandments in reverse order, amongst other Catholic-y things.
That aside, The Observer understands the true test of faith for the McDougalls and other future Terrace families will be in Brisbane’s fucked transport infrastructure. Terrace’s sports grounds in Tennyson are widely regarded as the most awkwardly placed facility in Brisbane.
‘It’s all part of the Terrace experience and a metaphor for Catholic living,’ says a representative from the enrolments office. ‘You will require FAITH in the traffic report, HOPE that there hasn’t been an accident on the ICB, and you will give CHARITY to the Clem7 on a daily basis.’
‘The Journey to Tennyson is one of the most testing pilgrimages on the planet,’ says the source. ‘You WILL however be rewarded with enlightenment, and a sausage on bread for your efforts.’
For those families still wanting to gain entry to Terrace for some reason, we’ve created this simple to navigate flow chart to give you an idea of your chances.
‘It will all be worth it when we get Oliver in’ says Mrs McDougall. Terrace is such an awesome concrete jungle.’