Sometimes Catholic couple Jane and Angus McDougall are preparing to ‘put in the hard yards’ in order to gain their son entry to premier Brisbane boys Catholic school, St Joseph’s Gregory Terrace.
Terrace is notoriously difficult to get into, even for regular God-fearing folk. Thus the McDougalls have committed to an unofficial 2 year, Catholic immersion program leading into their son’s enrolment interview. This immersion involves attending a 2-hour Mass every Sunday, getting Father Anthony over for dinner a couple of times in the next 12 months and memorizing the 10 Commandments in reverse order, amongst other Catholic-y things.
That aside, The Observer understands the true test of faith for the McDougalls and other future Terrace families will be in Brisbane’s fucked transport infrastructure. Terrace’s sports grounds in Tennyson are widely regarded as the most awkwardly placed facility in Brisbane.
‘It’s all part of the Terrace experience and a metaphor for Catholic living,’ says a representative from the enrolments office. ‘You will require FAITH in the traffic report, HOPE that there hasn’t been an accident on the ICB, and you will give CHARITY to the Clem7 on a daily basis.’
‘The Journey to Tennyson is one of the most testing pilgrimages on the planet,’ says the source. ‘You WILL however be rewarded with enlightenment, and a sausage on bread for your efforts.’
For those families still wanting to gain entry to Terrace for some reason, we’ve created this simple to navigate flow chart to give you an idea of your chances.
‘It will all be worth it when we get Oliver in’ says Mrs McDougall. Terrace is such an awesome concrete jungle.’
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Terrace is turning into an amazing school,if you want your child to have a huge ego and no substance.
Poor Pete! Miss out did you? Spoken like a true Nudgee Dad. Don’t fret sweetheart there’s always the next gen of “Little Petes” that can get in to Terrace (PS It is only a parody site you know)
Missed out? I went through with Christian Brothers, they made sure you controlled your ego..
I am an old boy from CBC Chatswood, when they we good at rugby and still carry the injuries from 60 years ago
Hilariously, this is more accurate than you might think – except that it’s obviously written by a non-Catholic who overlooked their sacraments! Also, strong parish priest reference outplays building fund donor capability (Christian Brothers schools can’t get too snooty as they were set up to help the poor after all. The prods are the other way around). Otherwise excellent. Four and a half stars.